Loneliness is a terrible place to be

It’s a Friday night and I am going home, again! No hot date, no can we meet up text. I’m not bashing going home to chill with my family and be ugly(read comfortable) in peace but I think I miss being wanted.Not think, I know I do. So much so that I know I my traitorous little bitch of a heart is ready to eat lies. But seriously, I miss knowing that someone out there cares about how I’m doing and enjoys being with me. I want to feel the feels, all the fuzzy ones, the alleged butterflies because at this point I don’t know if my heart still works. What if I can’t love anymore? I doubt I can feel feelings anymore. However, let it be said that I’ve never really been good at relationships, yes I know how to pick all the wrong ones. I’ve also been with the good ones and let them go. (Maybe)I think I’m pretty good (or was pretty good I’ve been working on myself) at self sabotage, never believing I’m good enough or not having the depth to want to fight for whatever I’m feeling.There’s someone who said that you attract who you are, but if you’re not attracting anyone what does that mean? For real though…
I am not wallowing, I have come to terms with my state of singleness, I am thoroughly enjoying getting comfortable in my own skin, knowing me better and I have an amazing support system but major holidays trigger me, Christmas, NYE the whole lot. And the Valentine’s craze really really doesn’t help. But well, it is what it is.
Let me also add that while I am complaining, I am making no effort at all to meet people. My life evolves around going to work and going home! I hate leaving the house. Yes, quite the conundrum we have here…
You remember that Westlife song “Loneliness knows me by name”? I used to sing that song when I was young with no idea of what it actually means. Let’s just say now I will fully understand.Westlife slaps though, #fact.
Loneliness is a terrible place to be. Especially when you know that there is likely no respite from it. But well, here we are. Living this life with loneliness as an ever present companion. Like a loyal stray you can never get rid of. But well, we march to the beat of life’s ever changing rhythm.